Howdy, squiders. Last week we talked about young children. This week, we’re going to discuss older children. The break between the two isn’t exact, but I’d put it somewhere between 7 and 9–old enough that you can trust the kids to not strangle themselves on the curtains the moment you turn your back, but not so old that you can rely on them to take full care of themselves.
The biggest difference between younger and older children are the amount of direct supervision they require. With an older child, you can have them do homework in their own room without worrying about the consequences. You can trust them to complete simple tasks or chores without worrying about the house burning down. They can probably even get themselves a snack and a drink without dire consequences.
Of course, children all develop at different speeds. Trust your instincts when it comes to your own child(ren). If something seems too advanced, don’t do it.
So, assuming you have an older child (or multiple older children), how do you get your writing done? Well, the good news is that the kids aren’t necessarily the distraction here. The bad news is that their activities might be.
(There are many schools of thoughts about how many activities are the proper amount based on children’s ages and other assorted things, none of which we will discuss here. Every family and every child is different, and hopefully your family will work together to make sure no one is either bored or overworked, and that the bank is not being broken on activities nobody actually likes.)
If your kids are in their late teens, the good news is that they are probably fairly self-sufficient. As long as you check in with them periodically and include them in family things (and feed them), they’ve got their own things to do and their own way to get there, in a lot of cases. If your teens are home a lot and enjoy interacting with you, first of all, congratulations on winning at parenting. Second of all, set aside a time and a place that is your writing time/place, and make sure everyone in the family is aware of when/where that is. Your teen is welcome to your attention outside that.
If your kids are in upper elementary or middle school, here are some strategies for being present and also getting some writing done.
Kids have homework. Nobody likes homework, but we all struggle through anyway. Consider instituting a family work hour, whenever works best, such as right after school (that way homework is done before fun things) or after dinner. While the kids are doing their assignments, you can write (or, in theory, pay the bills or other boring but productive things that need doing). That way everyone’s working together, which can help provide motivation for actually getting things done.
It can also help to break this up into two or three sections–after a period of time, your brain needs a rest to get back to peak proficiency. This can also depend on the age of your kids and the amount of homework that needs doing. A third grader might be good with two half-hour sessions, whereas a ninth grader may need two hour-long sessions. I wouldn’t recommend going longer than an hour at a time.
It can also help to have everyone stay at the table until the time is up even if their work is done, though this is a determination you will need to make for your own family. Children who are done with their homework can work on hobbies, such as drawing, or they might earn time on a game or electronic device.
Providing a steady, expected time for work can help everyone get into the proper mindset and help them get things done in a timely fashion.
(NOTE: This can be attempted with younger children, though the results are mixed. Younger children often don’t have the focus or attention span to work on something for any sort of significant amount of time, and may need regular help, which can break your concentration.)
Write around activities
Older children have sports, dance, theater, choir, tutoring–you name it. And you probably drive them to a lot of it. Some activities require parents to be there and be present, such as helping with a scout troop or working as the assistant coach. Other things you just drop them off and pick them up an hour later. And yet more things you sit on the sideline, watching 500 attempts at baskets.
This is a personal judgment call, but if you’re spending soccer practice staring at your phone willing the time to go by faster, why not spend that time writing instead? If you could drive home for an hour between drop off and pick up for swim team, would that time be better spent if you went somewhere local and wrote instead? And even if you do decide that watching your kid is the best use of your time, you can still have writing materials with you for when things get slow or if an idea comes to you.
Many of the general tips work here, as do some of the ones for younger children, such as working before they wake up.
Other thoughts on writing around older children?