My dear minions, it has come to my attention that there are a ridiculous amount of you out there. An unsustainable amount, if you will.
Since it is my duty now to care for you, I have decided to introduce a measure of population control. Oh, don’t worry, there won’t be forced sterilization or anything like that – where’s the fun?
Instead, each of you shall be sheared (and we’ll see how YOU like it) and then you will be randomly paired against one of your fellow human beings in a death cage match, which will be televised for my llamas. And then, the winner of said match will be fed to crocodiles.
Mmmm, it will be glorious. The carnage. The blood.
If you’re lucky, you’ll be paired off against an infant, or possibly your own grandmother. And if you lose to your grandmother, well, you deserve your fate. (Your grandmother, however, may be worthy of placement within my army).
And then, when I tire of that I – hey! How’d you get in here? No! Guards! GUA-
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Let this be a lesson, Squiders – look through the front door before you open it. You never know what nefarious types may be lurking on the other side.
Luckily for everyone, it turns out that alpaca are not very big. And llamas are kind of dumb. And none of them have opposable thumbs, so I think the revolution was probably doomed from the onset.
But back to business as usual. Just a note – we’ll be moving from a MWF posting schedule to a T/Th posting schedule for the summer, starting the week of June 18th. Don’t be confused! We’ll probably go back again, come September, unless we all decide that we like the other schedule better.
Secondly, a moment of silence please for Ray Bradbury, who was a master of speculative fiction and a darn nice man to boot. I saw him a few times at San Diego Comic-con and it was always a pleasure to hear him speak. He will be missed.